things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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