I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
