I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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