I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You left your phone here
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