I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
