my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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