its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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