Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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