Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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