i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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