marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize