Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
