Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
