Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize