Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
