I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
COCAINE IS GR8
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