Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
