Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
