she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
