You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FUCK WHALES
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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