My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
