First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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