Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
