I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't think brook has ever known best
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
