he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
