I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize