How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
