spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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