At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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