I want to have your abortion
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
