everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
