he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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