I CAN MOONWALK!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
