i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
