The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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