he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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