Sorry, I don't speak sober.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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