I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
