Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
