So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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