I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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