Can i not drive my cunt home
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize