well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
