Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
