dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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