I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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