Yo dont text me then not text me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i think i just lost a toe
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
