how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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