I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
