Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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