That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
