I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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