The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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