Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize