I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
whose ass print is on the piano?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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