i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Houston, we have a blender
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize