Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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