chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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