I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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