I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i've created a new STD.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
