The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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