but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
