walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
