I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
