is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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