Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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