you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
